Thanks for the change

Through workshops, online discussions and other interactions, I've met plenty of folks saddled with chronic pain who have little to no support from family or friends. There was the lady who slept on the couch because it hurt to sleep in her bed, whose mother blithely asked her to run errands. There was the man stooped and bent by pain whose wife saw his condition as an inconvenience that she could somehow nag away. There was the woman whose relatives suspected -- despite x-rays and other physical evidence of her conditions -- that she was lazy and probably seeking drugs.

It didn't take many stories like this to make me realize how lucky I am to actually have someone on my side. People who live with us chronic pain sufferers deal with a lot. We're not the people we used to be, and that's tough, both for spouses who didn't expect the whole "in sickness and in health" thing to be the biggest part of their vows, and for family members who've seen a loved one change. These people have to pick up the slack when it comes to housework, driving and other tasks. From the pain itself, drugs and side effects, we're often moody or irritable. And unless they're like the jerks I mentioned above, they must cope with all these life changes without blaming us.

And these things aren't your fault. Unless you went out and did a few lines of coke and then jumped off a building, your situation isn't likely something that you could have prevented. But just as it's important to accept the changes in yourself and not blame yourself for your conditions, it's also crucial to understand how your loved ones have had to adjust.

It's been a long road with Mrs. Lucky, and I am thankful for her support and understanding every single day. She's a tough cookie, and she's coped with my conditions -- not just the chronic pain -- like a trouper over the years. But it's been a learning process for her, and we've had to work together to make things easier for both of us.

So unless you're in a situation like those examples above, take a moment to thank your partner and other loved ones for their help, patience and understanding. You've got an incredible challenge, but it's affected them, too. Make them feel appreciated for handling the change as best they can, and maybe ask what you can do to help them cope (remembering not to apologize for your conditions). Often, just acknowledging their role in your care can make someone's day.