The Questions - Please read before asking any

I've been in group situations where people have asked me (or others in my situation) questions which I feel may crop up here. In an effort to avoid embarrassment and frustration on both our parts, here's a general FAQ that might be helpful.

Q: Why don't you just take some aspirin/use a heating pad/put some ice on it/buck up a little?
A: Of the 19 medications I'm currently taking, five are for pain, and two of those are narcotics (including morphine). And on some days, even those don't work. I do use heat and ice as appropriate, but they are short-term solutions. As for bucking up/toughing it out/not being such a baby about it, this is me bucking up. You should see me on the days when I'm not.

Q: 19 meds? Do you really need all those?
A: Yes, and yes.

Q: Have you had a second opinion?
A: Yes. And a third, fourth and fifth.

Q: My sister had back trouble and she tried...
A: Please don't finish your sentence. I've tried everything available to the modern chronic pain patient: surgery, medication, heat therapy, the TENS unit, physical therapy, massage, movement therapy, epidural injections, meditation. The only thing still on my list to try is acupuncture. Some of these have worked for me, some haven't. What works for one person may not for another, and vice versa.

Q: Why can't you work?
A: Chronic pain affects more than just the part(s) of the body in question. It's not like when you broke your arm or twisted your ankle. In those cases, the body is rapidly working to repair the damage, and you get over it. With chronic pain, the brain is constantly getting signals that something's wrong with the body. The "fight-or-flight" reaction that we all learned in school kicks in, but because it's not having an effect, its messages keep getting sent. The brain eventually starts allocating more cells dedicated as pain receptors, and the cycle continues. All this causes fatigue, difficulty concentrating and other effects. Think of it as trying to do your job while alternately being stalked by a madman with a loaded gun. How productive would you be? Add to this the effects of morphine and other necessary pain medications, and it doesn't make for a very good employee.

Introduction - Read first (or proceed at your own peril)

About Me

I'm a 44-year-old writer from San Diego living with chronic pain from a combination of spinal stenosis (my spinal column is too narrow for the nerves and disks to co-exist comfortably), spondylosis (degenerative osteoarthritis in my back), inflamed disks and THE INCIDENT (see below). I also have type II diabetes, hypertension, sleep apnea, and a few other issues that will be discussed here. I have had two corneal transplants, the first unsuccessful, in my left eye, because of a condition called keratoconus, which was stretching my own cornea into distortion. I'm currently on 16 different medications, four of which are to control side effects of the other 12. In addition to needing a cane to get around, I use a CPAP machine for the apnea (it blows air into my nose via a mask to keep my larynx open through the night so I don't suffocate). I am also being treated for depression and anxiety. If you can't figure out why by now, try harder.

I have a handicap placard on my car and (with legal assistance). Though I write (and therefore can work from home), the combination of chronic pain and medications to treat it make it virtually impossible for me to be a reliable employee. Therefore, I'm on SSDI. Iif you have political or philosophical disdain for this fact, I'd appreciate you moving on to another place on the web. I understand they're adding new sites every day.

I am happily married to a woman (who will be referred to here as "Mrs. Lucky"), who is my rock and the love of my life. We've been close friends since meeting in college in 1988, and married in 1998. We have two cats, Bongo and Shtinky Puddin'.

THE INCIDENT

On the morning of January 7, 2009, while home alone, I blacked out, slumped from my desk chair to the floor and had a grand mal seizure. I awoke 20 minutes later to find that the convulsions had broken both shoulders, dislocated my left shoulder and broken two bones in my back. I spent three months in the hospital and had four surgeries. My shoulders and back are now held together with dozens of screws and pins, and my spine is fused with metal plates across six vertebrae. I walk with a cane for balance and can't raise my arms above shoulder level. This is currently the dominating factor in my pain issues and affects a major portion of my life.

About My Attitude

This is not an apology, but an explanation. I don't mince words when it comes to pain, health or other matters I'll discuss here. Until fairly early after THE INCIDENT, I was one of those people who spouted the platitude "I hope you never have to go through something like this" when someone was thoughtless about anything I was dealing with. I no longer feel this way. Call me bitter, but I think it would do a lot of people a world of good to have something serious befall them or someone they know, because it's the only way some of them will ever learn empathy. We have an empathy crisis in today's culture, and I make no apologies for my responses to it.

I am NOT a hypochondriac, nor do I seek pity or attention for my conditions. I write this blog to help raise awareness about the truth of living with chronic pain, work through some of my own issues and, hopefully, offer something to people dealing with chronic pain or other conditions, be that hope, advice or just the realization that someone out there shares their problem.

I'm not a doctor or medical professional of any kind, so please don't look here for medical advice. If you find something useful in the non-medical parts, please feel free. One thing I hope to accomplish with this blog is to share what I've learned on my journey.

About the Title

If you never heard it from a grandparent or other elderly folk, this blog takes its name from a very old joke about a "MISSING DOG" poster that reads "Three legs, missing left ear, blind in one eye, tail broken. Answers to 'Lucky.'"